Do you often wonder how to discipline teenagers so that they respect you and everyone in the family? Do you find yourself thinking that your child just doesn't seem to care, no matter what you do? You give him a consequence and he just shrugs it off? He just doesn't care?
As you know, this can be very frustrating. One possibility is that your child really does care. Maybe he does care that he can't use the computer for the rest of the night. Or maybe he really hates the idea that he can't drive the car on the weekend. He just doesn't show it.
If this is the case, then the consequences you are giving him ARE effective. As long as he respects the consequences you give him, you should not stop. Why doesn't he seem to care? Maybe he's just good at hiding his emotions.
He probably doesn't want you to see that you've won and he has to be disciplined. For whatever the reason, continue with what you are doing because it does improve behavior.
But what if your consequences are really just punishments. This is a frequent problem I've identified in many parents. A consequence should guide the child towards doing the right thing next time. It must have a teaching part to it. It must register in his mind that if he pushes this boundary, then this consequence will happen.
You do this by making sure to connect the consequence with the offense. For example, if your child performs poorly on an exam at school, he must study longer for the next one. Or if you son does not clean his room, then no friends are allowed over. Make sure he is able to connect the dots.
This creates a learning moment that will work to change his behavior.
If there is no learning moment, then really you are just punishing your child. If you take away his car privileges because he talks back, you are not connecting the consequence with the violation of the rule. Don't take away his iPod because he was late for school.
This type of consequence is really just a punishment. And it can cause resentment in your child and even lead to rebellion. Learn to use consequences properly and avoid punishments.
I have produced a free video for parents like you that are dealing with teenagers. It highlights the number one mistake parents make when disciplining their kids. It's available online and the link is available below. Please watch the video to help you avoid the wrong type of parenting.
And of course, maybe you are using consequences properly, and he still doesn't seem to care. There is still the possibility that the consequence you are giving is not appropriate. Maybe he doesn't mind losing his video games because he doesn't use them very much anymore.
Or maybe he doesn't mind staying home from the party because he didn't really want to go.
You are the best judge of your child's reaction. Understand what affects him, what he wants and what he doesn't want. Don't be afraid to change your consequences at any given time to make sure it is the right one.
Check out my video. You'll get a better feel for consequences and make sure you are on the best path to understanding how to discipline teenagers.
Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer who has been helping parents of children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder online since 2003.
Get help with Oppositional Defiant Disorder child behavior help with defiant teens ADHD treatment and ADHD. Check out our Free video that discusses the number one mistakes parent make when when disciplining their kids http://ccparenting.com/discipline?10052
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