Hm -- a relevant and important question -- is disciplining and managing children's behaviour about control?
A woman walked by my house the other day with a beautiful dog. She was having a lot of trouble getting the dog to walk on the lead -- in fact it sat down and wouldn't move -- it wanted to go back the other way.
The lady pulled at the lead, the dog pulled and slipped its collar then turned to run towards a busy road. Panic... the woman shouted the dog and luckily, although it didn't return to her it sat down, allowing her to put the collar back on. She tried again and failed again. This was getting to be a dangerous situation.
Wrong place, wrong equipment, wrong tactics -- this could be carnage. What did she do? She let the dog have its own way and walked back up the road in the direction the dog wanted to go. It wasn't a very good lesson for the dog. The woman didn't have control and without it the dog wasn't safe.
When I was driving in town recently a woman was at the edge of the road with a pram and two young children, one either side of the pram. One child ran into the middle of the road. Luckily I wasn't going fast and had my wits about me.
I stopped in plenty of time, but I could have been in a dream (who isn't sometimes when you're driving?). Like the incident with the dog, again it could have been disastrous. But what was the mother to do? Leave the other child and pram and go into the road to retrieve the runner?
Push the pram and other child into the road too? Scream? What? Her options were fairly limited and all were fraught with danger... Again the adult didn't have control and this put three children in danger.
Back to the original question -- is managing children's behaviour about control? Yes it is... but, it has to be the right sort of control, used correctly.
Adults shouldn't have an issue with with the implementation of discipline and control when dealing with children's behaviour, but so many people these days seem to have trouble with this concept.
They claim, 'It limits development,' or, 'It doesn't allow for free expression,' or even, 'It inhibits imagination'. Tiny children can be seen wandering alone in dangerous places -- on roads, in shopping centres, in super markets, by water -- with adults close but not close enough to have absolute control if something were happen that needed urgent intervention.
Small chldren used to be physically attached to adults wth reins... you rarely see them today... why is it so shocking to show that you have control? Are we willing to put children into danger rather than take control of their behaviour and actions and do so until they're emotionally mature enough to be increasingly independent?
Tell you what -- that little child would have had its development well and truly limited if my car had hit it, wouldn't it? Free expression and imagination would have come to an instant halt! The panic stricken dog wouldn't have enjoyed any more walks if it had ended up under a car or lorry on the main road, would it? People often say to me that children have changed. No children haven't changed -- but what has changed is adults' attitude towards children.
Part of children growing up is to learn how their world works and this enables them to develop emotionally and socially. Where does children's advice and guidance come from? From adults. Until they learn (are trained) in these important lessons they aren't able to mature and function independently or confidently in society.
Discipline is not a dirty word, it's simply an alternative word for training. Without discipline or training we end up with adolescents behaving like three year olds, unable to show any self control when the world doesn't go they way they would like it to.
My message about controlling children's behaviour and its place in effective discipline and behaviour management is against much of today's philosophy. It's a strong, but quite simple message -- until a child has learned self control, it has to be controlled.
That's it.
But, you have to know how to control and manage children's behaviour in a way that encourages self control, indepenence and confidence. Anyone can learn behaviour management strategies that will achieve this. Behaviour Bible gives you the techniques, practise them and use them consistently and you'll have a happy and productive classroom.
Liz Marsden is a highly experienced and successful behaviour management expert who works with children demonstrating extreme behaviour. At http://www.behaviourbible.com you can learn Liz's strategies and techniques. Follow her daily work at http://www.behaviourbible.com/diary to read more about managing behaviour confidently.
No comments:
Post a Comment