Parenting Teenagers - Five Most Common Mistakes Parents Make

By Stephen R. Beck

I have three teenagers and I have made all these mistakes. My eldest daughter does not want to tell me where she goes. I have to call her cell phone and drive around like a detective to figure out where she might have been. It was like a nightmare. I cannot get my son to stop playing computer even when his O-level examination is less than two months' away. My relationship and communication is thrown out of the window.

These are the mistakes I made. Listening to other parents with teenagers I realised these are the most common mistakes many parents with teenagers made. I learnt the hard way.

The Five Most Common Mistakes in Parenting Teenagers:

Mistake No. 1 - You don't listen to your teenagers - I know it sounds silly, but many parents talk to their teenagers but they don't listen to them. Either they are too busy and in a hurry or they don't make time to listen.

Solution: Listen to your teenagers, make time just to listen to them, put your newspaper down or stop what you are doing. Putting aside time for them becomes a habit and each time they have something to share with you, they know you are willing to listen. They may just want someone to listen and not necessary want a solution.

Mistake No. 2 - Busy Parents -If you find yourself completing what your teenagers say because you assume you know what your teenagers want to say. They will feel that you are making a lot of assumptions. Hurried parents will experience hurried teenagers. Your teenagers will not feel listened to. They will end up bottling their feelings. You may not realised that you are raising angry children.

Solution: Let your teenagers complete their sentences. Become aware of whether you are thinking of giving them solutions or listening to them completely. When they feel listened to, they get the feeling that they are important to you. They feel respected.

Mistake No. 3 - Using the word 'Should' - 'Should' is a word that makes your teenagers feel that they have to do things that you like and may not be what they like. The obedient ones may end up doing it to please you. You may get obedient children but frustrated later in life, if that is not what they really want in their lives. Frustrated teenagers become angry adults.

Mistake No. 4 - Protective Parents - If you find yourself cushioning your teenagers every move to protect them from being hurt, they learn fear. Fear stops them from making a choice to step up and make decisions.

Solution: Provide options - Allow your teenagers to make decisions. Talk to them about the various options and explain to them the possible consequences or outcome. They learn the way to make decisions in the future.

Mistake No. 5 - Criticising your Teenagers - That could also mean you don't respect them and that could escalate into feelings that you don't trust them. When they don't feel trusted, they lose confidence in themselves. They may end up avoiding you.

Solution: Catch them doing things right and acknowledge them. What you focus expand. They feel respected, appreciated and will tend to behave even better to get more of your acknowledgments.

If you liked these solutions you will love my E-Book "Teenager Parenting 101" visit http://www.parentingwithdolly.com

Dolly Yeo is the chief coach and founder of Mindset Coaching that specialises in life coaching. She is a Results Certified Coach (Australia) and a member of the International Coach Federation, Singapore.

She is also an Active Parenting Certified Leader as well as a Certified Parent Facilitator for Parenting Workshops. You can find out more about Dolly Yeo and Mindset Coaching at http://www.mindset-coaching.com or to subscribe to her free newsletters.

Kids Behavior - The Good the Bad and the Ugly

By Robert William Locke

Let's start with the ugly and uglier than this, you cannot get. The Government Accountability Office has revealed in a shocking report that hundreds of kids are abused every year at school. Some have even been died as a result of this punishment. It seems that special needs kids (severe ADHD and or autism) are more at risk and there have been reports of kids being locked up for hours without food. All this because they have severe behavior problems. But what sort of kids behaviour can justify this sort of cruel punishment.? Worse, there is no federal law on restraint and seclusion and state laws are a mixed bag and up to 19 states have no law at all in this regard.

Now for the bad and that is that the teachers in question are still teaching, maybe in another state. Moral of the story is that while these kids can disrupt a class and have to be dealt with, training needs to be given to teachers by qualified personnel so that they can handle it. Everyone knows (but not some teachers!) that rewarding good behaviors is the way to go and that bad behavior can be reduced. All the experts now say that behavior modification like this in both the classroom and at home is what gets results. Period. Although restraint is sometimes necessary to avoid other children getting hurt,locking up kids will not solve kids behavior problems.

What is the good that can come out of all this? If you have a kid who is ADHD or ODD or just has behavior problems, you will need to liaise with the teacher. There are thousands of dedicated, qualified teachers who do not use the above methods, thank goodness.

Ask her what behaviors are forbidden and what kind of good behavior is encouraged and what rewards systems are in place. You could also check to make sure that any disruptive behavior is not rewarded by sending the kid out which in many cases suits the kid as he hates the classroom so in a way, this is rewarding bad behavior! If the teacher's behavior plan fits in with your behavior modification program at home , all the better. It will ensure that there are no double standards.

Ask any educator or child health expert and all are now agreed that behavioral therapy is the best and most permanent way of solving kids behavior problems. If you have a system in place in your home, you will be well on the way to solving this problem and can look forward to a much happier and more serene family life.

Want to learn how to cope with kids behavior? Discover a whole new world in a behavior modification course.
Robert Locke is a Health enthusiast who specializes in Children's Health. He has written extensively on ADHD and Behavior Therapy.

H1N1 Flu (Swine Flu): Information for Concerned Parents and Caregivers

What is H1N1 Flu?

H1N1 is a type of influenza (flu) virus that causes respiratory disease that can spread between people. Most people infected with this virus in the United States have had mild disease, but some have had more severe illness, and there has been at least one death. Young children, pregnant women, and people with chronic diseases like asthma, diabetes, or heart disease may be at higher risk for complications from this infection. More information about who may be at higher risk will be available when more is known about the disease. There are steps you can take to protect your family and to know when to seek medical care.

What are the symptoms?
In most children, the symptoms of H1N1 flu are similar to the symptoms of regular flu. They include:

• Fever
• Cough
• Sore throat
• Body aches
• Headache
• Chills and fatigue
• Occasionally, vomiting and diarrhea

Young children may not have typical symptoms, but may have difficulty breathing and low activity. Little is known about how H1N1 may affect children. However, we think the infection may be similar to other flu infections. Typically, flu infections cause mild disease in children, but children under 5 years old are more likely to have serious illness than older children. Although rare, severe respiratory illness (pneumonia) and deaths have been reported with flu infections in children. Flu infections tend to be more severe in children with chronic medical conditions.

How to keep from getting it:
Flu viruses spread from person to person mainly through the coughing or sneezing of a sick person. Flu virus may also be spread when a person touches something that is contaminated with the virus and then touches his or her eyes, nose, or mouth. We think H1N1 flu spreads the same way as other flu viruses. Right now, there is no vaccine to protect against H1N1 flu, but there are everyday actions that can help prevent the spread of germs that cause respiratory illnesses like H1N1 flu:

• Teach your children to wash their hands frequently with soap and water for 20 seconds. Be sure to set a good example by doing this yourself.
• Teach your children to cough and sneeze into a tissue or into the inside of their elbow. Be sure to set a good example by doing this yourself.
• Teach your children to stay at least six feet away from people who are sick.
• Children who are sick should stay home from school and daycare and stay away from other people until they are better.
• In communities where H1N1 flu has occurred, stay away from shopping malls, movie theaters, or other places where there are large groups of people.

What to do if your child is sick:

• Unless they need medical attention, keep children who are sick at home. Don’t send them to school or daycare.
• Have them drink a lot of liquid (juice, water, Pedialyte ®).
• Keep the sick child comfortable. Rest is important.
• For fever, sore throat, and muscle aches, you can use fever-reducing medicines that your doctor recommends based on your child’s age. Do not use aspirin with children or teenagers; it can cause Reye’s syndrome, a life-threatening illness.
• If someone in your home is sick, keep him or her away from those who are not sick.
• Keep tissues close to the sick person and have a trash bag within reach for disposing used tissues.

If your child comes in contact with someone with H1N1 flu, ask your doctor if he or she should receive antiviral medicines to prevent getting sick from H1N1 Flu.

If your child experiences any of the following warning signs, seek emergency medical care:

• Fast breathing or trouble breathing
• Bluish or gray skin color
• Not drinking enough fluids
• Not waking up or not interacting
• Being so irritable that he or she does not want to be held
• Not urinating or no tears when crying
• Their symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough

For more information call 1-800-CDC INFO, or go to http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1

Easy Ways to Get Your Child to Behave -- and Want To

By Marianne Neifert

On any given day you've probably had two or three showdowns with your child over everything from brushing her teeth to getting in the car seat -- all before lunch. But contrary to how things may seem, most kids like to behave in a manner that makes them (and you) proud -- at least most of the time. The best way to get there: Help your child feel as if you and she are on the same team. These six strategies show you how.

Build stronger bonds

If you want your child to be more cooperative, change your focus from improving him to improving your relationship. When you dwell on the ways he's misbehaving, it just discourages both of you -- you feel like a bad mom, and he feels as if he can't do anything right. Besides, all that energy you're using to correct him could be channeled into something more uplifting and effective. So try to give him positive feedback several times a day -- a specific compliment on something you see him doing ("You're choosing such great colors to draw your picture," or "I really like the gentle way you played with your baby sister"). And don't forget to spend some time with your child each day, doing something he enjoys.

Be a booster

After having fed, diapered, dressed, and done just about everything for your baby, it's hard to step back when she's older and let her do things herself (especially when you're in a rush). But micromanaging her life -- from telling her exactly what to wear to opening her juice boxes -- just sends the message that you're not confident about her abilities. So whenever you can, let her accomplish as many small tasks as possible.

And as much as you'd like to help, it's better for her to resolve some squabbles with her playmates or siblings on her own. You can encourage her to do this with a couple of simple sentences that state the problem and provide a resolution: "I understand you're angry, and I know you can use your words instead of screaming at your friend."

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Marianne Neifert, M.D., is the author of Dr. Mom's Prescription for Preschoolers.

The Single Parent Father

Whenever we are together as a married couple, we never expect it to end in the two of us splitting up. This can be especially difficult if there are children involved. Single parents are becoming more and more the norm in our society and even though many people only really think about the single mothers, thinking about the single parent father is also very important.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are raising a child as a father on your own, there are some things that you can do to help you along the way. These can be especially helpful if you feel that you are ill equipped to take on the responsibility but want to do the best job that you possibly can.

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Boys vs. Girls: Who's Harder to Raise;Can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise?

By Paula Spencer

I often say that I spend more time and energy on my one boy than on my three girls. Other mothers of boys are quick to say the same. Forget that old poem about snips and snails and puppy dog tails, says Sharon O'Donnell, a mom of three boys and the author of House of Testosterone. "Somehow it's been changed to boys being made of 'fights, farts, and video games,' and sometimes I'm not sure how much more I can take!"

Not so fast, say moms of girls, who point out that they have to contend with fussier fashion sense, more prickly social navigations, and a far greater capacity to hold a grudge. And as a daughter grows, a parent's concerns range from body image to math bias.

Stereotyping, or large kernels of truth? "I think parents use 'which is harder?' as an expression of whatever our frustration is at the moment," says family therapist Michael Gurian, author of Nurture the Nature. "Boys and girls are each harder in different ways."

Every child is an individual, of course. His or her innate personality helps shape how life unfolds. Environment (including us, the nurturers) plays a role, too: "There are differences in how we handle boys and girls right from birth," says David Stein, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Virginia State University in Petersburg. "We tend to talk more softly to girls and throw boys in the air."

But it's also true that each gender's brain, and growth, unfolds at a different rate, influencing behavior. Leonard Sax, M.D., author of Boys Adrift, believes parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth -- their brains aren't wired the same way.

So, can we finally answer the great parenting debate over which sex is more challenging to raise? Much depends on what you're looking at, and when: